The Dummy's Guide For Dads

Sydney Morning Herald

Thursday August 30, 2007

Words Nick Galvin

It's the how-to for parenthood made by real blokes, for real blokes.

In common with most dads-to-be, Troy Jones had no real concept of how his life would change after his first child was born.

It was left up to mate Sam Holt, who was already a dad, to set him right on some of the realities.

"We had a few beers and a chat about what I was in for and I learned more in that half an hour than I had read in any books," Jones says. "There were a couple of boys sitting at other tables and they heard us and started to chip in a few ideas and it became quite a raucous conversation."

And that might have been it but for the fact Jones owns a video production company. As well as leaving that bar a little the worse for wear and a lot better informed about fatherhood, he also had the germ of an idea for a documentary DVD. The concept was simple: to follow his own progress towards fatherhood and also to interview a mob of real-life young fathers about their experience of pregnancy.

Thus, Being Dad, produced by Holt and Jones, was born.

"All the pregnancy books that are out are written generally for women and by women," Holt says. "And they are about parenthood from a very particular perspective. They are not pushing a particular agenda but the genre is very much piss-taking about how hopeless blokes are. From my own personal experience, it was not what I was really after.

"We weren't really sure of the format to use so then I said, 'Let's just get a bunch of blokes in a room, fill them full of grog and see what happens."'

What happened was a hit DVD that took the two collaborators completely by surprise. Marketed initially online, Being Dad was expected to sell only about 2000 copies - enough for the pair to cover expenses. Instead, the DVD flew off the shelves and has so far tallied sales of more than 30,000.

Evidently, Jones and Holt had struck a chord with young parents. Both agree that one of the reasons for the runaway success of the first DVD is the fact it features real dads talking about real-life experiences from the heart - good, bad and indifferent.

"You can sit around with your mates and probably the last thing you'd talk about is your kids and being a father and all the emotion that goes with that," Holt says. "But once you prompt the conversation in that direction the blokes really get into it and can be quite emotional."

An indication of how far the dads in the DVD do "get into it" is the fact that, once the cameras were switched off after about 90 minutes, the men often continued swapping parenting war stories for up to two hours.

After sales began climbing it became apparent that, surprisingly, the vast majority of purchasers were women.

"About 95 per cent of our DVDs are bought by women ... because they are interested in what the bloke thinks," Holt says. "Women write to us and say, 'You've saved our marriage - I had no idea what he was thinking. And now he realises he was not alone."'

All of which says a lot for the communication power of DVDs but perhaps less so for the communication skills of the average Australian male.

With the runaway success of Being Dad, it became inevitable that there would be a follow-up. The sequel, Being Dad 2, was launched this month and, while a good deal more has been spent on production, it still has the same unassuming charm of the original. Being Dad 2 takes up where the first film left off, talking to dads around the country about the exhilaration, confusion and exhaustion that follows the birth of a child.

The DVD features real stories from a surprising range of dads, including George, whose wife died shortly after giving birth, and Ricky, who at 19 was left as a sole parent.

These stories are interspersed with footage of groups of dads laying bare their feelings on everything from lack of sleep to sex after childbirth. Their conversations are by turns hilarious and touching.

Holt and Jones intend Being Dad 2 to be viewed by couples before birth because many dads don't want much to do with the pregnancy "until the baby is out".

"But women really want their partners involved," Jones says. "And because it is on DVD they will sit and watch it together - and talk about it together."

A frequent theme in Being Dad 2 is the tension felt by many fathers between wanting to be a good parent and meeting their new financial responsibilities.

"A lot of the blokes we talk to in the DVD are desperate to be closer to their son or daughter than their dad was to them," Holt says. "They want to be a good dad and a good husband as well as to send their kids to private school. This new generation of dads are much more aggressively looking for involvement with and a connection to their kid."

With the second DVD under their belts, Holt and Jones are about to embark on a US version of Being Dad, and another US network is considering broadcasting both episodes of the DVD.

And, while there may be some concessions to the US market, Being Dad will keep its common touch.

"A lot of people told us to put celebrities in it," Jones says. "We thought about it but in the end we thought the last thing we wanted to do was to be sitting there going, 'Well, Russell Crowe does this or that but I'm sure he has got nannies or helpers.' We thought the ordinary bloke was the way to go."

And, even in America, they confidently expect that the new dads will have many things in common with their Aussie counterparts.

"We hear the same thing all the time," Jones says. "'It's hard work and it sucks and I'm up at 5am ... but I wouldn't change it for quids.' No one would expect that last part of the sentence except for the fact you've just had a kid."

Being Dad and Being Dad 2 (both $29.95) are available from Big W, selected baby goods stores and from www.beingdad.com.au. To see a preview of Being Dad 2, see www.smh.com.au/video.

© 2007 Sydney Morning Herald

Back to News Index | Back to Home