Don't Worry, Baby - Doting Dads Will Have Their Day, Too

Sydney Morning Herald

Tuesday July 3, 2007

Craig Sheppard

FIVE months ago our gorgeous daughter came into the world. She's completely healthy, developing perfectly and, like most dads, I'm immensely proud of her and would do anything for her. "Squeak" has changed me completely.

I've realised, however, that our baby has little, if any, use for me.

I went into fatherhood with grand plans of being the world's best dad. I was going to be the soother, the bather, the entertainer, the teacher, the healer, eventually the feeder - the all-round idol until the first embarrassed "Oh, Dad!"

I went enthusiastically to the prenatal classes. I read all the books and magazines. I was primed, ready and full of anticipation.

But here's the advice fathers-to-be need to know more than anything: a father cannot have a bond with the baby that is anywhere near as profound as the mother's bond. Babies, as little more than the textbook lizard-brain human, simply have very little use for a dad. They have millenniums of programming that tell them we're meant to be absent, hunting and gathering. That's logical but it didn't lessen the disappointment.

Time and time again I spent what seemed an eternity trying every technique known to calm the screaming. Put her in Mum's arms and suddenly all's right with the world.

"Fathers will bathe the baby," the books and the midwives told us all. "This is their bonding time", as if instructing the mothers to give us that time, or else. I did, still do, and will happily continue to bath Squeak. Love it.

But let's face it. It's a bit of a con. It's a wink to the mums that this might trick the dads into involvement. I didn't need to be tricked; I wanted to be involved. But Squeak couldn't care less who's doing it.

We started weaning recently, a time I looked forward to because it meant I could start looking after one of the most basic needs. I could've strapped the bottle to the dog for all Squeak cared.

Things are changing. Now she's getting more and more aware of the world, she's interacting, learning. I swear she even sings along when we sing to her. I now get a smile, maybe even a giggle. At the very least I get tired recognition.

While Squeak has very little use for her dad, I know it's only temporary. I will come into my own and I'm very much looking forward to it.

If there's one thing I've learnt, it's this: when it comes to babies, there's no such thing as a great father. The best you can shoot for is great husband. But that's another subject entirely.

© 2007 Sydney Morning Herald

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