Yes, I'm Pregnant. No, I Don't Need Your Advice On Parenting

Sydney Morning Herald

Thursday December 21, 2006

Karin van Heerwaarden

AS A SOON-TO-BE-MUM (six weeks to go), I have one small request for the already mums and dads who feel I'm in need of parenting advice: "Give me credit for having a modicum of intelligence".

I understand it's difficult when you know all there is to know about raising children, but just give it a go. I may not be a mum yet, but that doesn't make me a complete ignoramus when it comes to children and how to care for them. Nor does it mean that I welcome the unasked-for advice that parents are so keen to offer.

There seems to be a myth that only parents know anything about parenting.

Supernanny blew that one out of the water, yet many parents still desperately cling to the feeling of superiority that comes with this notion that they are the sole keepers of all parenting knowledge.

The first piece of wisdom that parents inevitably offer when they learn of an impending birth is "Your life will never be the same". Well, thank you for that astounding insight, because I was under the impression that I would continue to live my childless life despite having had a child.

The assumption seems to be that until I have a child of my own, my brain is incapable of coming to a conclusion about parenting of its own volition. Because of this deficiency, my brain needs to be fed with information from people with children, regardless of their success as parents.

You could have produced a dozen maladjusted brats from your loins, each of them destined for therapy or a jail cell, but apparently you still have the right to share your wisdom with others.

What really gets my amniotic fluid boiling are the people who won't be winning a parenting award any time soon yet who have the gall to give me advice. While their precious angel microwaves the cat in the background, they will sit there straight-faced giving me a rundown on child-rearing do's and don'ts. Thanks, but I'd sooner take deportment lessons from Britney Spears.

One lady I know loves to give advice on nutrition for children, yet every time I see her son he's stacked on another few kilos and is sticking some sugary or fatty treat into his mouth. As far as I know, an entire pack of marshmallows does not feature in the recommended daily diet of an eight-year-old (or of anyone for that matter).

Forgive me if I sound ungrateful, but that's because I am ungrateful. I didn't ask for this advice so what gives anyone the idea that I want it? Even the staff at McDonald's know well enough to ask if you'd like fries with that, rather than simply start shoving them down your gob.

Readers are invited to send 450 words on what makes their blood boil to heckler@smh.com.au. Include your phone details. Submissions may be edited and published on the internet.

© 2006 Sydney Morning Herald

Back to News Index | Back to Home